One of my friends at school has become toxic. How do I discuss it? | Friendship

I started high school last year With some friends I have known it for a long time. One of those friends has began to act toxic With other people.

I have been distance from her for a while, but nothing seems to work. She is really sensitive and has a story of dishonesty, which makes her face my feelings is incredibly difficult. She speaks badly of many people, but Pretend they are the problem.

I have already talked to the teachers about this, but they Take your side and always get into trouble. I don't know how to mention this or Make it understand I don't want to be her friend anymore. What do I have to do?

Starting high school is a great step and there are many changes, and every time there are changes in a group there is a thrust for the position and many insecurities come out. It is also a great step because you go from being the oldest students of the school to the youngest, and you are exposed to many more adult behaviors. I wonder what is happening with your friend, but it is important to remember that you are not absolutely responsible for her behavior. So, although it is really good to think compassionately about what is happening to others, ultimately, they own your behavior and you own yours. It is never too early to learn this.

I went to Alison Roy, who is a psychotherapist of children and adolescents. She said that the fact that you had noticed that something had changed for your friend, while “also being aware that your feelings showed real maturity.”

It is frustrating that teachers do not seem to hear what you say, but teachers, while doing a great job, are not always the best people to help you deal with the psychology of friendships. In addition, as Roy pointed out, “teachers do not always have the time or bandwidth for the dynamics of friendship and would expect you to try to solve things independently.” It can be very different from how things are handled in primary school.

Roy also explained that when people (young or old) feel insecure: “They can begin to behave differently. There may be anything else that happens for their friend who does not know, and they may not want to tell him. They could ask some gentle questions, although it is not their responsibility Own feelings outside of what has the opportunity to deal with control and the opportunity to deal with the opportunity to make an opportunity outside them, and it does, it is an opportunity that is the opportunity and that is an opportunity that tries.

The defensive attitude and dishonesty shown by your friend could be due to shame, and the reasons why people can be so are complex. But again, that is not for you to fix.

Learn to put limits, but also think about what could be happening for others (with the warnings we have mentioned), they are really important life skills. Therefore, to be able to communicate with the people I used to follow but now find challenging. Most friendships will break at some point, true skill is in repair. Many adults fight with this.

You say you don't want to be your friend, but you are also asking for help. Sometimes, the simplest solution is right there, but we don't take it. Here, that would be to ask your friend, at a quiet moment, something like: “I don't think we get up as well as we did. I wonder how you feel for you?” And taking it from there. You can't do all the work for her, but this would be something incredibly mature. I always think that face to face is better, because you can get a vision of “360” about that person, that is, not only what they say in the text, but what clues are in their body language.

Unfortunately, you can't make your friend understand him, that's her work. But the conversation can begin, and in doing so, it will make an important first step in communication. And perhaps, even if this does not solve, it will collect important information to help you move on. Keep me informed!

Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent by a reader. If you want Annalisa advice, send your problem to [email protected]. Annalisa regrets that he cannot enter into personal correspondence. Presentations are subject to OUR TERMS AND CONDITIONS. Annalisa's last podcast series is available here.